Mom, I'm playing a hostage for community service hours!

I had a very planned and productive day with the little one to the State Library on Friday which led me to the pile of books beside my bed.

But my aspie had a whole different kind of productive day in mind when he signed up for community service.  He will be writing the rest of this post...

"I've done two different community service projects this weekend. The one on saturday was a relaxing two-mile run with the Leo club of my High School in beautiful Honolulu Hawaii. That was to raise money for hungry in America and famine victims in Africa.  That was a walk in the park (literally...) compared to what I did the day before.

I know this sounds like a fantasy. But I was helping in the training of SWAT team members in a counter-terrorism drill. With the helicopter, bomb squad, EMTs and the whole enchilada. The volunteers at the office building had to choose between hostage, victim, roamer, or (duh-duh-duh) the hidden. From 5-10 o'clock, I spent the entire time as a hidden person on the fifth floor out of fourteen. It gets kind of boring so I walked down the hallway into the active shooter, just barely dodging him before running into a SWAT team who frisked me for weapons and led me down the stairs. We waited for hours before the last "hostages" were brought down. IT was highly stressful, and I could see the apprehension on the team member's faces. SWAT requires a huge amount of discipline and skill. They must search every room, every corner before they declare a floor clear. Their primary objective is to get the shooter, not the injured. So often times, they must ignore victims on the floor and head straight into the line of fire. Medics are not allowed to enter anywhere that is not cleared. The drill was a success, and I hope to participate in more SWAT drills sometime soon.

However, tomorrow, I'll be selling art, snacks, and handmade gifts for Shriner's hospital for children. I'll be raising money for children who are suffering from serious illness. This has been an extremely busy working weekend for me and I hope to have more like it. I got to do good work for Emergency workers, the poor, the hungry, and the sick. In reality, each event takes only a couple hours of my day, and can do so much good. I wonder what would happen if all Americans volunteered for one hour a week? Just saying....

This is W, Aspie who has made an imaginary journey from the front lines, to the famine stricken countries, and to the hospital beds of the sick. I encourage you all to volunteer. Peace. <3"

Productive & Rewarding Day that went as planned

It started as just another day. After the morning circus was done, I came home to find myself without any appointments.

I used this as a teaching moment for A(4 almost 5) to pick up toys from the kids' living room. I cleaned the floors & dishes.

Then I saw the bags from the library visit, read the rest of the books we borrowed while he ate his early lunch and mom had a different mission for the day. To brave the State Library where parking was nearly impossible to find.

My luck was just beginning.  

We found parking immediately. 25cents per 10 minutes? Well, it is considered lucky to park around here in Downtown Honolulu because the Capital, Municipal, and major state offices are here, even the FBI. So I was lucky.

                                        

This is just the 1/5 section of the children area. I could just live here.

It's a good thing I cleaned my room today. This is what ended up beside my bed.

 

So my mission was to read to the kids. I'm so lucky. B (almost 9) read to her brother about 15 of it.  Then she read hers.
I purposely borrowed books for 1- 3 graders. Of course, the latter ones are for me & my aspie. I'm sure he will be through with it in a day or two. He's been known to just swallow the words. My average brain takes a little while longer.

The only problem is that I will have those books starring at me to read and return. So I will be reading it throughout the day and convincing my little one that we can return it once we've read it.
That is another story.

:-)

Day in the life of a typical mom.

 have a brilliant idea for a blog. But I go blank as soon as I start typing. So should I jot it down? It still doesn’t work. So here is one post that will bore the hell out of you.

Sample Wednesday.

If everything goes as scheduled, this robotic mommy’s schedule is as follows:

6:15 am  A(4) Wakes me up.
6:30 I come out to the kitchen, W (aspie) turns on the coffee machine and walks the dog. I put the precooked breakfast into the microwave and warm it up.

645  My aspie eats breakfast, after I question him about everything he needed to take, he is out the door to take the bus to school.  (Sometimes, I drop him off.)

700  A(4) & B(8) have breakfast. I go upstairs and bring down her school clothes and his outside clothes. (I have different clothes they wear to school and for home). They brush and change.

740 I drop B off to school. The elementary school is about 13 houses away from us, but these houses are quite big so it is not a distance for her to walk alone. If I drive by car, I take longer. On the days I feel up to it, we walk together.

815 A4 does his jumpstart.com learning online game while I clear the table, do the dishes, and wipe down the kitchen.

9 am - 11 am I usually take care of errands, and most of the time, it requires me driving.

11:15 /1215 Around this time is when I have A4 have his lunch. He takes a short nap. I cook dinner while I tweet. Sometimes dose off on the couch too.

2:10 The little one and I go to pick up B & W from school.

3:00 Go directly to one hour abacas math class (3x a week). I usually do reading of the library books while we wait or pick up something from store, if needed. If we decide to go to the later class, I bring out the pre-cooked dinner so they can eat in the car on the way home.

430 We get home. W walks the dog. They do homework. I cook if I haven’t cooked already.

Between 5/6 We have dinner. Then clean up.

The little one usually plays with his cars. B likes doing her educational computer games including typing, science, math, and reading. Sometimes, they like the Iphone apps.  W is too busy with all the homework and gets to use his Itouch to update FB or listen to music.

W has not enough time to do everything. When he has time, he does searches on what schools and tells me about his day.
I do the dishes, W takes out trash, and I check B’s planner & homework. I check W’s calendar with routine questions to make sure we are on same page.

I prepare breakfast for the morning.  (Sometimes I don’t)
8:15 Kids go to bed. (Doesn’t mean they are sleeping.)
9:25 W goes to bed. (Tries to wiggle a few minutes all the time.)

This is how boring, scheduled my life is. Sure things don’t always happen the way it is planned.
Sometimes, I take out food to eat.
Sometimes, I leave the dishes for the machine.
Sometimes, I let them just watch TV.
Sometimes we don’t do anything.

I am okay when I can’t stay on task. I don’t throw a fit if something doesn’t get done. But like the idea of knowing what things need to be done.

My aspie said: Mom, if tweeting was a sport, you'd be a gold medalist!

"Addiction: quality or state of having a compulsive need for & use of habit-forming substance." - Merriam-Webster Dictionary

My name is Chi and I'm an addict. Lost in twitterville with my IPhone. As you know they go hand in hand. 

My journey began with the purchase of my IPhone on Feb. 25, 2011. Yes, I remember the date.
Prior to that, I had my blog that I updated every month and an inactive twitter account with 200 followers. But now I have almost 4800 followers, but haven't gotten around to blogging regularly. But I digress.

Getting my phone was the best thing that happened in my life, other than my kids. I was no longer strapped to the computer to do bills, emails, and miscellaneous, eating away all my free time when the kids went to bed. Computer was now in the palm of my hands, and I can make phone calls too! Brilliant.

I became the meaning of "multi-tasking" stay at home mom. I became a woman on a mission. I made sure no time went underutilized.

I was utilizing all the hours alright and didn't realize just how much.

When did I notice the change in my behavior? I didn't.
Phone was in my hand at all times. I caught myself constantly looking at or for my phone. It became another limb. It never left my side, unless it was charging. I got anxious when the battery was low. At times, I was stuck to the wall because it was charging.

Since my husband isn't around, it was the last thing I saw before closing my eyes at night, or prior to passing out. And it was the first thing I reached for when I opened my eyes. I knew its whereabouts at all times; in its red otter box protective case next to me.

It was suppose to save me time so I could do other things. The other things became tweeting. It was so easy to do it. Slowly but surely, I began following and connecting with other parents. I loved the adult interaction & discussions. Although, I have to admit, some were in the ridiculous side.

Instead of having more time, I was finding ways to cut down on other things so I could be on twitter. I tweeted instead of naps I used to take with A. The only time I didn't tweet was when I was using the bathroom and driving. Then I had W tweet for me while I was driving.

Then yesterday, my aspie told me, "If tweeting was a sport, you'd be a gold medalist."

There he got me. I had to admit it. I was addicted to my Iphone and twitter. My instructions to him to stay away from the internet & Face Book went out the window. So did I change?

Obviously not because I'm updating my blog instead of sleeping. But I have put it on vibrate in the evening. In the morning, I make sure I finish cooking breakfast watch them eat as I tweet.

So where am I going with this? No where, like many of my tweets, it is just another reason to spend time talking about twitter. But it should be something you should ask yourself, are you an addict?

Yay! My son approves my tweets! As our relationship turns -me and my aspie

For the longest time, W had the hardest time communicating both verbally and non-verbally of what he wanted and when he needed help. Even as his speech caught up, he was unable to articulate his feelings.

He was always facing the world alone. He had me and the family, but he felt like this picture.

But the use of Facebook and my Twitter use has changed this and for the better.

I was having my tweeting fest that started at the mall with W's 8 yr old sister (B) and his 4yo brother (A).

My short stop to the pharmacy located at Ala Moana Shopping center, biggest open air shopping mall in the world, led us to the Lego store, then Sushi restaurant. I tweeted through both and my escape from the potential budget killing shopping spree and got home.

When I came home, W picked up my IPhone and began reading my tweets.

Yes, he reads my tweets. He was the reason that I began the blog and twitter. I don't tweet anything I would feel uncomfortable talking to him about anyway. Bur I digress.

Moments later, he stated, "Mom, you sure do compartmentalize your crazy well in your tweets."

I wasn't seeking his approval, but I was happy to receive it. I respect his opinion.

This started with me policing his Facebook news feed for content then he began reading my tweets. It led to many interesting discussions sometimes many one way conversations about everything. It was refreshing to be talking with each other instead of talking to or being talked to one way.

We talk openly about aspergers, sometimes joke about the quirks of having aspergers and his aspie traits.
He isn't afraid to tell me things and being afraid how I would handle it.

So where is our relationship now? It is where I would hope everyone could be with their child. Is it perfect, no. But the important thing is that we have open communication.

I am not his friend. I am the parent with authority and power in the relationship. But we have an open line of communication where he knows that no judgment or punishment awaits him, but an understanding adult -- his mom. And he is no longer alone in the ocean of life.

I hope you can find your own way to enhance your relationship with your child. It is wonderful.

Road to acceptance for my aspergian son

Acceptance came easily for everyone in my family, except for one person, my dad, W's grandfather.

Unlike other grandparents, W's relationship with his grandparents' is unique. When W was a year old, he came to live with my parents. We continued to lived with them while I worked and attended college. As I was young, immature, and clueless, I left the his care to my parents. They were not just grandparents, they felt like they were raising both of us. So when he started having difficulties, they took it very personally,
especially my dad. Even though, he didn't agree, he blamed himself for what W was going through. 

I couldn't blame him. He's not a bad person by any means. He may not have been an ideal dad, but he was and is the best person in the world for W. He is of the generation, where there weren't many being diagnosed with mental disorder that stayed in public. And there was and still is stigma attached to anything related to mental disorders. So he wasn't convinced.

These are the key things he used to say.
- W is shy
- W will grow out of it.
- W is used to being with adults, he just doesn't know how to make friends.
- When I was going to school, they had names for kids like that, they were nerds...
Etc...

He continued like this for years even after the diagnosis. He didn't accept it but he didn't interfere in any way with him getting help. We just didn't talk about it.

I don't know when my dad warmed up to the diagnosis. But after the bullying incident, I gave him the book "Be Different by Jon Elder Robison." That was one book that made him more understanding of how W's brain worked. Then he pointed out some of the common challenges that he saw in W that this author and some other books laid out. He finally accepted the diagnosis.

But every now and then, he would pick up a book and highlight the areas trying to convince me how W was different from how Aspergers was described in the book. And then I would have to explain how not all aspies are the same. I guess I was asking for too much. But he has agreed that therapy was making W a happier and more talkative teenage boy. I will just have to be satisfied with that and move on. It looks like W has done that already. ...

Stress management for my aspie

"Stress is not a reaction. It is our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.~~ Maureen Killoran"

Stress has become the reality of our modern lifestyles. We are constantly bombarded with different stimuli throughout the day. And when it comes to my aspie, it is often the most intense moments of our life. Our joint attempts to identify and avoid the triggers have been one of our main goals for years.

Before his diagnosis, his meltdowns consisted of him sobbing. He suffered silently, unable to tell me what was bothering him. I used to think he was being stubborn and he was doing this to me on purpose. Sometimes, I used to continue asking him what was wrong, but he never did.

The sobbing would stop eventually as he sat in the corner doing his timeout. But I noticed that the timeout was serving no purpose. He enjoyed his solitude and withdrew to his own world. Sometimes, I would  find him circling the living room with a smile on his face. Then he would go and read his books, one of my little encyclopedia's obsessive routines. Eventually, I would get calls  by his teachers that he wasn't paying attention in class and not completing his work because he was busy reading, writing, and drawing.

I realized that I found out when he was stressed. Not what was stressing him, but what to look for when he was under the stress. Whatever it was, it manifested itself into this self-soothing behavior, that often got in the way of his school work and attentiveness at home. I put a stop to behaviors like circling,  I redirected his need to reading, writing, and drawing to deal with the stressful situation.  

Now that he is sixteen, I don't know whether it is the teen angst or the Aspergers is that is adding to the stress level.

After trying many things to keep him away from his obsessions such as reading, drawing, writing, and music, I decided incorporate it into his routine so he could avoid it.

After my observation and a short discussion with him, we narrowed it down to a few. Time management, homework (too much or too little), and mostly social situations such as when his friends were arguing and he was caught in the middle. The social situation also played a role when watching his little siblings and cousins. He felt out of control because his siblings would not listen to him when they were being too rowdy.

As a mom, you have an inkling that he is getting stressed out. Can't really pinpoint it, but you know it's coming. So this is what we do.

1. We have a brief conversation about anything good or bad thing that happened in the day, how he reacted, and what he should do in certain situations. That makes him feel better to discuss appropriate and inappropriate reactions.

2. He is asked to ask if he feels overwhelmed. Then I would give him his Itouch for him to go for a run or walk around the block. I don't ask him why, I just ask him to get it out of his system.

3. We have a quick meeting when he comes home and compare calendars which includes homework, quizzes, and activities coming up and when they are due. That takes care of him feeling overwhelmed by the work load.

4. We agreed that his soothing behaviors like reading, writing, drawing is allowed in one designated folder organized and away from his school work. As long as he is done with his responsibilities, I give him free time to do what he wants.

5. My expectations of him in general are realistic and he has admitted so. But just in case, I repeat it to make sure he doesn't get stressed out.

The main thing for us is predictability and consistency. I know, as well as my aspie, that life is unpredictable. But we have an open line of communication. He knows he can say anything to me and I will not judge him because he is my son and I love him with all of my life. I think that has made the difference in him slowly coming to his own. I just hope it continues.

SPECIAL NOTE: Don't Forget to Check out 30+ bloggers on this issue. S-O-S Best of Best, Edition 10: Calming Techniques for Stress and the Special Needs child is http://bit.ly/oKBWWT