What a way to spend a day, hike challenge by W

It was a challenge from W. I knew I wasn't ready, much like parenthood. I got a few good pictures, well, more like W got great pictures. I had mine handed to me. :) 

My long hike with W.

W's view from top of Kokohead

W's view from the top

Long way down

P.S. I didn't make the 1000 steps. I stopped half way. As I sat on one of the wooden blocks, I fainted. No damage. I am alive. But my steps going down was even longer than my climb. A memorable day none the less.

My aspie's rude awakening

W has had an uneventful life. Our family was revolved around him since he was the first born. Grandparents gave him allowance every week, I would give him money when he went out with his friends, and his aunt would pay him for some of the chores. 

As brilliant as he is when it comes to academics, but he has no ideas about how to handle money. He read about it, but never really learned about money. 

I found he had no qualms about buying things that weren't necessary and paying for his friends when they went out to Waikiki. 

So we decided to cut out all the free money we've been giving him. He applied to 15 positions from cashier, note taker for the disabled students, stocking person, and even greeter at Walmart. 

He couldn't understand why he hasn't received a call yet

. And after calculating his earnings, he said, "I need to work an hour to buy lunch!" 

I said, "Welcome to the real world!"

Me, the problem?

There have been many changes this year, the good, the bad, and the really ugly. I won't bore you with details, but I am waiting for this year to be over. 

One of the change came as Will began his senior year and his younger brother A started kindergarten. 

You shouldn't compare children, but I couldn't help myself. I found his little brother to be more responsible and able to follow through than the 17  year old. 

Will stopped being a non-verbal child in speech therapy a long time ago, but I was, in many respects treating him like he was. I was nagging him about the same things and instead of teaching him the basic life skills, I was giving him a long to-do list to follow. I was putting his socks for him instead of teaching him how. I lectured him about responsibility, but I wasn't giving him a chance to be responsible. I didn't give him a chance to fail. Everything was done for him and my time was mostly dedicated to him. 

After feeling guilty about my parenting failures, I saw my opportunity to redeem myself. My first challenge came in the form of a boy scout camp. I did the unthinkable.

Yes, I actually let him pack his own bags. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but do you realize how hard that is for me? I didn't ask him if he packed all he needed and I didn't double check his bag. If he forgot something, he would have to go without it and  hope he would learn something from it. 

I came home with a sense of accomplishment (especially for keeping my mouth shut) but I was still curious about what he left behind, a sleeping bag? a poncho? or tarp? It was hard to tell because I had many duplicate things and he wanted to take a different bag. After looking around, I realized he actually remembered to take his bathing suit to this camp out at the private beach. 

When I picked him up, he was very happy and proud of himself of what he remembered to pack. He went on about his camp and what he managed to get done. I was glad for him, but I had to hide the guilt of keeping him back from growing up. But I am not going to dwell on it.

I'm not perfect, but who is. Will is growing up and so am I. 

Instincts of a parent

The school began at the end of July. But A's Kindergarten class didn't begin their full day until the second week.

I saw him walking behind his sister with the back pack as big as he, and he didn't look back.

I made all sorts of excuses for keeping him back a year. A has a late birthday and technically, he could've entered Kindergarten last fall.

I didn't want him to be the youngest in class and I didn't think he was ready. Honestly, he was my youngest and I wanted to keep him awhile longer.

I questioned my decision countless times and sometimes with regret especially when he asked me why he couldn't go to school. Other times I found myself having to justify to other parents of keeping him home.

On the first day, I waited in front of the class along with the other anxious parents. Soon the teacher appeared and began to speak.

A's eyes and ears were focused on her and not me. That was when I knew I was right all along. I was right to wait.
I waved and walked as my life depended on it with a smile. If I stayed any longer, I probably would've been in tears.

It may not be the right decision for everyone for different reasons. I was lucky to have a choice to keep him home with me. And now I appreciate the extra time I had with him even though I wished I had some free time.

As A learns the abcs, I've learned to trust my instincts just a little more and hope I make the best decision for my kids.

:)

I miss taking a nap w him though.

My baby...

Disaster at the movies...

If you've read my tweets, please forgive me for repeating myself but it was one of those odd experiences that needed to be shared.

The last few weeks, I had a string of visitors including my in-laws to W's legally blind friend (I found out later.) I was staying with mom for a while since I didn't feel like staying home after my husband left. It was my vacation with my mommy. But I digress.

W wanted to spend time with some of his friends that were moving, A(5yo) and B(9yo) to the movies to see Ice Age. Yes, this was my vacation.

The movie was predictable and enjoyable to the kids. But the appalling twilight zone like phenomenon happened.

I've experienced kids, as expected, in the theater. The talking ones, crying ones, and giggling ones. As a parent, those things don't phase me much because I went through that too with my kids. I usually feel embarrassed for the parents because I know exactly how that feels.

But last 25 minutes of the movie was just an odd experience.

A girl about 3 or so in age was walking up and down the aisle with her light up shoes. Every step she took, the lights would flicker. For a few times, I thought it was my phone that was on silent but flash alert was still on. But I was wrong. She went all the way to the screen, sat there for a few seconds, then she was in the middle of the aisle, then back of the theater.

I don't know why I didn't go get help from the people who worked there. I couldn't see the parents. I don't know whether they were hiding or they thought it was really cute the way she was roaming all over the theater during the movie. 

I took my little one to the bathroom and came back. And you know what happened?

She sat right next to my A and began to eat his popcorn. I asked her where her parents were, she just had that surprised look on her face. My A5 began talking to her. She sat down for a while and I was embarrassed because I'm sure some were thinking she belonged to me. 

The movie was finally over and I looked in the back to see if the parents or anyone was to be found, but they must have taken off before the lights came on. I was just speechless. 

Am I being too judgmental when I ask where the parents were during this time of her wandering? 

Either way, I made my way out of the theater but didn't see the girl. It's almost like the parents or whoever was watching took off. 

I was a little upset, but didn't want to make a scene but it was an interesting conversation with my own kids about what we shouldn't be doing in the theater and laughed about it. I guess you can have something interesting happen at the movies. 

Tired of repeating myself...

I find myself having the same conversation with W.

Lately, I'm having harder time deciding whether his behavior is due to him being a teenager or it is because he is an aspie and he is regressing to his old habits.

Reminding him to do daily activities has become a part of my job. It is different from reminding kids to clean their room or do homework. I have to ask him of he brushed his teeth, shaved, brought empty cup from his room etc. And I'm exhausted.

I sat him down and had a talk with him. I didn't raise my voice even though I felt like screaming.
I had to explain to him about the things he would have to do on his own. He is heading off to college in a year and living on his own. I may or may not be living in the same State.

I described the basic things that he needed to do on his own and I could not be there micromanaging every part of his life. I won't go into details but it made him cry. I just hope it was my sincerity that came through, not as a huge lecture.

I woke up next morning with the sound of music. It was the sound of W practicing his piano. In the dining room, his brother and his sister was having freshly cooked breakfast. Their clothes for school was laid out on the counter with their socks and back packs. His bag, charged phone & itouch & wallet was by the door. So was my bag & keys. Dirty dishes were in the sink. Coffee was brewing.
I walked into the twilight zone. He did all the things I do every morning and then some. He was practicing his piano to top it off. All of this without me asking or reminding.

He showed me that he was capable of doing things on his own. I was relieved.

So did I stop repeating myself?
Nope. But the difference is that I'm no longer worrying about his ability to do it.

Busy weekend with my aspie

End of school year brings on the flurry of activities and planning for the coming school year.
This past weekend just made me realize that W is all grown up. Well, almost.

My nerves began to get to me at the JROTC banquet. He won a few awards, I was happy, but I kept hoping he would keep his eye contact and his posture.

Then he had his piano recital on center stage in the middle of the mall. It was the most longest five minutes of my life. His piece was the highlight of the recital with viola. The wind blew his notes breaking his concentration, poor boy with viola had to stop to hold on to it. Luckily, W recovered but the other boy didn't. My aspie remained cool and he was happy with the performance and stayed amazingly positive although I was still shaky inside.

Then when I came home, I checked mail to find his first SAT scores. He did good for his first try, but looking at the scores just made me more aware how close college was.

The night ended with a nice dinner together just talking and relaxing. As big as he is, I kept seeing him like this:

I think I will always see him like this.