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SAHM of 3 wonderful kids, one brilliant one Asperger Syndrome. This is not a living shrine to his disorder, but rather a place to share & discuss the different challenges that came with it and other things about parenting & life in general.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Power of using Ands instead of Buts

Will's condition has lead to me to read a lot of interesting self-help books. Topics like reading body language, non-verbal communication, speaking effectively, and how to win people over. I didn't realize there were so many of them out there. I managed to skim through many of those and found one thing in common.

Many of the authors pointed to the misuse of the word "But." They said to use "And" instead "But" because "But" negates what you were intending to say. I didn't realize how true it was until I looked back at what I use to say to Will.

For example, this was how I used to speak to him regarding his grades

"It's great that you got 5 As this quarter, but what is this "C"?"
 It started out like a compliment, but it wasn't. 

Instead I could have said was, "It's great that you got 5As this quarter and maybe we can try to put more effort on this one next time."

I have realized it is hard to avoid the word entirely and I found that when I reduced the use of it, my words became out more positive to the person hearing them.  Thanks to Will, I am learning new things everyday.

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