Yes, I've been MIA for a while. My little opinion on parenthood finale was written as soon as I watched it. I had to mull over it a little while before publishing anything negative. It is so hard being positive. Sometimes, you just need to let out steam. But how?
“When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.” - Thomas Jefferson
Everyone deals with stress a little differently. Some take baths, do yoga, listen to music,take a walk, read a book, or watch TV. I, on the other hand, found myself yelling at the kids. Yes, my voice climbed an octave that I've never imagined I could reach. I only realized I was performing a screeching aria when my lovely sister gave me a gentle nudge via twitter, "What the hell is wrong with you?." And we were in the same room.
The inevitable regret came almost immediately and of course, the awkward silence. I didn’t dwell on it, and I went on as if nothing happened. This was something I learned from Will.
The other day, I had one of those repetitive conversations before he walked out the door. I sounded mean. I'm only human. One can only repeat it so many times before wanting to pull out all my hair. He went to school as usual, but I sat there with such icky feeling and a bad taste in my mouth. I worried that I ruined his day. My sister walked in and told me that he was walking toward the bus stop in a good mood. It was remarkable.
“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” - William Shakespeare
Expectations from myself and expectations for my son. I know he is smart and capable, but when he brings home poor grades, I'm devastated. I know it's not the end of the world, but for that split second it feels like it. I have expectations that I set for myself and sometimes need to let them go. I have to admit to myself that I can't do everything that I expect myself to do all the time. When I remember these things, life is a little less tense.
“Where Ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.” - Thomas Gray
Denial. It comes in very handy at times. Deny there is a problem, deny you have a long list of things to do, and laugh about it because reality isn’t that faraway. It sounds crazy, but it works. It sure beats crying about it.
So there it is. Three simple things that can keep me from my own meltdowns. Keep my mouth shut when I'm angry, lower my expectations, and laugh about it. It is easier said then done. I can only try.