Trouble with Facebook...Bullies again

Facebook. What can I say.
I was happy that W had friends period.
But it has come to bite me in the behind. Facebook...

W posted a drawing of a picture. Not his own, but he put it up. Maybe he took credit or maybe he didn't.
He took it down right away, but some of his "friends" were hassling about apologizing.
They cornered him in school hallway and even at lunch. Believe me when I say, it is more serious than the things I describe. I just don't want to go into detail.

This went on for a while until W came to me and explained to me the situation. He was really afraid. They could have made things worse for him and etc. They were pressuring him to put a big apology on Facebook.

Needless to say, my reaction is what you may imagine to be. This happened right before spring break so I had to sit on it for a week.

He blocked them from Facebook, received good counsel from his friends. But through social media, I was seeing the snowballing effect first hand. People started to take sides with their friends and it could have become a fight.

W wanted to take care of the situation on his own by going to the counselor without me getting involved.
He couldn't get their time because they were occupied. W started to panic as he texted me and he didn't want to go to class. I told him to walk into any counselor and have them call me.

I remained calm as I have had bullying issues before. I summarized as best I could. I left with few remarks.

"Take care of this or I will. You don't want me involved." She agreed. She didn't want to see me.
"Tell them to make it serious."
"Tell their friends to back off, or they will see me."

It was a short conversation. The counselor knows me because of the previous bullying incident that I went to Court for. She knew things would get very messy if I got involved. No one would come out clean.

3 hours and 30 minutes is what it took. The people were to stay away, not even discuss with friends and not even mention his name. They had their excuses, but there is no excuse in ganging up on one person.
I will see how it goes. Day 2 and things are quiet.

W insisted I stay away so he could take care of it. So I did stay back. I realized he needed to take care of things on his own. I just reminded him that I was there for him.

It occurred to me that the situation could have been handled better except for the fact he is an aspie. Social situations and reaction to those situations are difficult to him. But surprisingly, he handles the things that seem too intense to handle for the rest of us, very easily.

I was tempted to have him close his account, but realized I could not protect him from everything. He needed to learn on his own. I always preached about what he should not do online and even what he put up was completely appropriate, it still brought in a lot of headache.

I wish he would close his account. But I am not going to force him. So I await for the next drama.

Never thought I'd see the day...

I have been very vague about changes. The resets in my life as well as for my family. I left the details because I didn't feel it served any purpose.

So what is the purpose of this post? Well, the changes and resets I speak of didn't only happened to me but to W.

While I was in this realm of twilight zone, W grew up. While my eyes fixed on other things in life, my son matured.

I haven't micromanaged his everything for the last two months and the world hasn't ended as I thought it would.

He proved me wrong by staying strong when I was not.
He proved me wrong by doing well in school without me checking his work.
He proved me wrong by being proactive in all his responsibilities.

This doesn't mean I won't be there for him every step of the way. I will be.

I just never thought I'd see the day when I could picture him growing onto his own without things falling apart. So I am stepping back a little to give him some space.

Well, I'm stepping back v......e.....r.....y little. I said I was confident, I didn't say I was going stop being a mom.

Resets in life...changes...moving on

Sometimes you are forced to push the reset button in your life.

Things happen for a reason and I'm still trying to find out what that reason is. I don't want to go into details.

I looked around. Made a list. A long list of all the things I was doing. For the kids and family. I realized I was doing a lot.

Where was I?  I don't know.

Gave myself a break. Reorganized. Simplified.

I thought I couldn't get back to what I've been doing, but as soon as I dropped my husband off the airport, got a call from W's school that he was hurt.
My normal began at a very quick pace. I took him to the ER, spent 4 hours, got his wrist in
a make-shift cast, but luckily nothing broken. My little one has a bad cold, but it could be worse.

I thought I needed to rest, but I felt normal as I started moving. I am back to normal. My normal.

As I write this post, I am camping out in the living room with my kids, minus one tired teen, reflecting on my lack of real presence for the last few weeks.

I realized if you don't give yourself time to reset, life will reset it for you.

I decided not to over-think things but just to enjoy life and enjoy my kids and family. I hope you do too.

All's Well That Ends Well - Bullying & my Aspie

It has been a year since I began this blog. It began because of the bullying incident. I needed to vent, I needed to write, I needed to share. And shared I did.

Along the way, I met many people who took the time to read and comment and some shared their stories with me. I am grateful for all the support and advice I have received since then. But I digress.

I must have commented and updated about the bullying incident since then, but I had to make it a separate post, just to put the period at the end of the story.

I am happy to say, the bullying and the hush whispers regarding the incident has disappeared. The mediation session provided by the wonderful counselors did wonders to squash any rumors that remained. 

He became close with the girl from the incident. Now, they can truly be described as friends and she is one of his best advocates in school. She even came to his birthday party, although, she felt a little uncomfortable making eye contact with me, I didn't push it. I was just glad that ALL his friends came to his party even though I questioned how many would show (inside me of course). 

I still, like many parents aspie/NT alike, pay close attention and feel for anyone facing any kind of bullying. I am just happy our story has a happy ending which led to many friendships. I can only hope many parents won't have to deal with anything like bullying. 

For aspie & NTs alike, where is the guidance from school?

Bridge to Fort Island where USS Missouri resides

This picture reminded of how far we came and how far we still have to go in our adventure called life.

I'm not being overly poetic. 

I always considered myself to be well prepared in managing W's school & keeping realistic goals. But it became very frustrating today.

We planned out his course schedule from 9th grade and on. Last year summer, after I've already put in for his fall schedule, I stopped by with W to see the career & guidance counselor. 

Although understanding and kind, she wasn't helpful at all. She printed out the copy of the schedule I completed and said we were on the right track. She gave me a 3 different pamphlets with dates for his AP exams and complained she was being kicked out of her office. 

Needless to say, I needed some guidance because I felt I was on my own. I am still on my own. W is already taking AP courses. I needed to know what AP courses he could take that was necessary and would be accepted at most colleges. He was going to be taking college courses during the fall in concurrently with high school, but she wasn't able to give me what courses he should take. I got that information from his current Senior friends that were on the same track.

I understand the school has a limited budget with many kids to service. But 3 pamphlets? It was a joke. I empathized with her situation, but that still doesn't help me or my son. It was the only time I regretted not forking out money for a private school.

I had to call college org to get information about SATs and AP exams and other advice. I also got great advice from my tweeps online and his current senior friends who were in the same track. 

So we are pretty sure the courses he is taking is correct and when he will be taking the SATs and applying for colleges. Now the only thing is to go through massive amounts of information to pick the college and it is daunting. 

Was it too much to expect guidance from school? I guess it was. I am on my own. I am glad I am able to get through most of the information, but my heart goes out to his friends with less educated and less involved parents. 

I am glad to have my friends on line giving me great suggestions including aspie friends. Wish me luck.

A Girl With the Dragon Tattoo Movie was good, night was bad

Okay. If you've been following me, you have seen my tweet while I was watching this movie. But I thought it needed a post.

As you know, my husband left today and won't be back until July so my family babysat and I went to see the above movie.

Mind you, I read the book so I knew what was to come. What I didn't know who I was sitting with while watching the scenes. If I had objection to it, I would not have gone.

As I sat down, I was surprised to see a girl not more than 9 years old sitting with, I assume, her parents. I was appalled. If you know of the book, you would know why.

I am not naive. I know the kids nowadays with are far more aware of more things than I care to admit. But I wouldn't be taking my kids to see it together.

When Lizbeth Salandar was forced to give hand job/oral sex was uncomfortable enough, but her second visit to get her money, she was violently tied up and sodomized and beaten. Later on, she got her revenge as she did the same to the man.

Even though I knew it was coming, I walked out and stood on the side to watch. I felt very uncomfortable watching that scene with the little girl sitting behind me. Awkward. The only thing I could think of how pissed I was at the parents for bringing her to see this movie. Didn't they read the book or even the reviews? Guess not.

Am I a prude? My nightmare continued as the main character played by Daniel Craig & Lisbath had a bed scene. It was long, or felt long with the little girl there. But second & third time, I was kind of pissed. The first time, fine. The 2nd & third? Maybe I am getting too old for this kind of movie.

So we come to the movie itself. All in all, it stayed true to the book. The actors playing the main parts were believable, especial Lisbath. It was suspenseful and worth your money. It felt a little slow because I read the book. I enjoyed the revenge part of the movie. I didn't like Craig as 007, but I actually liked him playing this part. 

Would I recommend this movie? Yes, if this is the sort of genre that you like. Otherwise, you can go on to Mission Impossible which I thoroughly enjoyed. The movie was good. I just hope you have the sense to leave the little one home.

P.S. I'm not going to bother with grammar check on this one. If you find a mistake, forgive me. I'm having a little cocktail since my hubby left. My girl has taken over my bed which is a welcome since that means I will not be sleeping alone tonight. ;-)

Tis' the season to be jolly & for volunteering...

When W was 11, just joining the Boy scouts, I remember seeing parents running around checking their calendars, going from one activity to another. I told myself that I wasn't going to do that. I was going to be different. I was wrong. 


When did I come to this realization? A while ago, but I felt it yesterday as I traced back the steps from Friday.


Friday went like this... as scheduled(?)  
6:30 Cooked breakfast.
7:00 Breakfast served.
7:30 Dropped off W at school then B at her school. 
8:00 Home to clean up dishes, let dog out, get A dressed. 
8:45 - 10:45 Ran errands...including shopping for snacks & gifts. 
11:00 - Home to give A his lunch & nap. Wait for Mom to watch him.
12:00 - Weekly volunteer/tutoring at 3rd grade class (B's class) 
2:30 - Picked up A from home, relieve mom, head for W's school to pick him up with B to go to abacas math class for an hour. 
3 to 4pm Abacas math 
4:20 - Home cook dinner. W practice Piano. B showers & gets ready.
5:00 - Dinner served (W gets to stay home to do school work)

5:30, we stopped by the bakery to pick up snacks for the parents and went to the meeting. A gets to play with other siblings of scouts.


630 pm. The girls were decorating the meal bags for the homeless. 


7:30 Practice caroling for the next day.
My activities ended here if you don't count the night time rituals at home. 


Saturday went on like this. 
9 - 11 am B had her last Ceramic class at the Honolulu Academy of Arts
9:30 to 10:30 was a parent child music class with A and I
11 am  We pick up B and head home.
11:30  Make lunch & have lunch.
12:30  We head out to the retirement home.
1:00 Caroling at the retirement home. 


Meanwhile, W went to volunteer for a Brunch being held for the Prevention of Child Abuse with the Leo Club. His job? He entertained the kids (mostly victims of abuse). He was there from 10 am to 2 p.m.


By the time we came home, it was 3 p.m. The kids were fine, but I was exhausted. But my day was just beginning. But I will save you the time of telling you any further.  


I was reminded to "never say never." I wasn't going to be like others running around from one activity to another, but I am that person. But that was when I only had W and before I had two more kids. 


Coming year, W has his piano, tutor, therapist, Senior project, SATs, AP classes, Essays, Abacas, Spanish, Korean, JROTC and with B joining the Girl Scouts, and A beginning K in the fall, I have a feeling, I will be busier than a corporate CEO. 


I may complain, and complain I will, but I am actually looking forward to the things to come. I get my inspiration from W and the people I meet (my tweeps). 


This is life after all. This is parenthood. And I intend to love every minute of it.